Topics

Talking Dog

Tom
 

Morty visits Dr. Saul, the veterinarian, and says, "My dog has a problem. ”
Dr. Saul says, "So, tell me about the dog and the problem. ”
"It's a Jewish
 dog. His name is Seth and he can talk," says Morty.
"He can talk?" the doubting doctor asks.
"Watch this!" Morty points to the dog and commands: " Seth, Fetch!"
Seth the dog, begins to walk toward the door, then turns around and says,
"So why are you talking to me like that? You always order me around like I'm nothing. 
And you only call me when you want something. 
And then you make me sleep on the floor, with my arthritis. 
You give me this fahkahkta food with all the salt and fat, and you tell me it's a special diet.
It tastes like dreck! YOU should eat it yourself!
And do you ever take me for a decent walk?
NO, it's out of the house, a short pish, and right back home. 
Maybe if I could stretch out a little, the sciatica wouldn't kill me so much! 
I should roll over and play dead for real for all you care!"

Dr. Saul is amazed, "This is remarkable! So, what's the problem?"
Morty says, "He has a hearing problem! I said 'Fetch,' not 'Kvetch."

 

 

Sent from Mail for Windows 10

 

Jon
 

Guy and his dog walk into a bar. "My dog can talk," he says to the bartender.
Bartender says, "if you can prove it, I'll give you a free drink."
So the guy turns to his dog and says "What's on top of a house?"
Dog says "Roof! Roof!"
"What's the outside of a tree called?"
Dog says "Bark! Bark!"
"What does sandpaper feel like?"
Dog says "Ruff! Ruff!"
Bartender is having none of this. So he says "Let me ask him something." Bartender turns to the dog and says "Who was the best ballplayer that ever lived?"
Dog says "Ruth! Ruth!"
Bartender's had enough and kicks them both out to the curb.

Outside, the dog turns to his owner and says, "I dunno, you think I shoulda said 'Mickey Mantle'?"


On Sat, Aug 31, 2019 at 10:18 AM Tom <tom.montague.thomas@...> wrote:

Morty visits Dr. Saul, the veterinarian, and says, "My dog has a problem. ”
Dr. Saul says, "So, tell me about the dog and the problem. ”
"It's a Jewish
 dog. His name is Seth and he can talk," says Morty.
"He can talk?" the doubting doctor asks.
"Watch this!" Morty points to the dog and commands: " Seth, Fetch!"
Seth the dog, begins to walk toward the door, then turns around and says,
"So why are you talking to me like that? You always order me around like I'm nothing. 
And you only call me when you want something. 
And then you make me sleep on the floor, with my arthritis. 
You give me this fahkahkta food with all the salt and fat, and you tell me it's a special diet.
It tastes like dreck! YOU should eat it yourself!
And do you ever take me for a decent walk?
NO, it's out of the house, a short pish, and right back home. 
Maybe if I could stretch out a little, the sciatica wouldn't kill me so much! 
I should roll over and play dead for real for all you care!"

Dr. Saul is amazed, "This is remarkable! So, what's the problem?"
Morty says, "He has a hearing problem! I said 'Fetch,' not 'Kvetch."

 

 

Sent from Mail for Windows 10