a conundrum

purnakama2000 <no_reply@...>

I came across the following passage this morning and I have to say it was perfectly timed. It seems that I've been struggling with this for a while, maybe forever, and I'm embarrassed to say that after 20 years on the path, this walking a fine line between suppression, and indulgence is still so troublesome.

It seems that I can be on one side or the other, but I have no idea most days how to get to the middle.

"You may suppress something for a time, but you cannot avoid it forever. Therefore, suppression of anything is not and cannot be the answer. The illumination of that very thing is imperative.

In our daily life we do not have to suppress emotion. We do not have to suppress anything. Suppression is very bad. If we suppress something today, tomorrow we will be subjected to its revolt. Suppression is not the answer. What we have to do is to illumine our emotion. While we are illumining it we shall feel real joy. By suppressing it what do we actually accomplish?  Nothing. We are only forcing ourselves beyond our capacity and sincere willingness. As we have a desire to enjoy a life of pleasure, so also we have a desire to suppress 

life. A life of pleasure and a life of suppression are equally bad. Both are followed by frustration, and frustration ends in destruction."

Sri Chinmoy ~ My Life's Soul Journey pg. 187  (unofficial)

Perhaps it's that I don't really understand illumination that I feel often caught by the two extremes.

My homeopath always says that the less power you give to something, the less power it has over you.

This makes sense.

When you suppress something, what you're really doing is trying to will it away, and acknowledging the thing as something difficult to be gotten rid of thus giving it power.

And of course indulgence is giving the thing ultimate power.

So perhaps standing as the silent observer, not judging or indulging, just watching and allowing the divine to take over is what illumination is. Perhaps this is the secret to unravelling the Gordian knot of our lives.

It sounds so simple, so then why does it seem so difficult?

Any thoughts?



doris.cott <no_reply@...>

Hi Purnakama, I think to some extent this applies to everybody.

Yes, it seems always so easy to practise when Guru writes about overcoming a weakness or any other problem. But what I noticed is that Guru often repeats in his writings that only aspiration, prayer and meditation are the only solutions to any problem. And then I ask him inwardly, "How can I increase my aspiration? At times I don´t even know what it is at all? What is the inner cry?" And then you open any book and get an answer - for the time-being and maybe because I at least asked. ;)

And as Sharani already said in her previous post, gratitude is something I am also pondering about. Guru says gratitude is nothing to be even expressed, it is something to grow into. If I due to some circumstances cannot meditate for one or two days, I clearly see and feel who is the Light-Giver. It is this mysterious light that makes me feel good, better and best.

Ah, and grace, that seems also to be a keyword.

I read something interesting. Guru wrote about helping others and compared it with a mother and child relationship. For example when the child cries, the mother hears it in the kitchen, but she listens carefully whether the cry is sincere or even desparate. If the child stops crying and is somehow satisfied again with what it has, the mother does not feel the need of coming to help or rescue the child.

So if I really want to be cured of an illness lets say, I must really want to be cured. There seems no other way.

Real willpower-capacity, where are you in my life? That is how I see it at the moment.

I hope this entertained you a little.


purnakama2000 <no_reply@...>

Thank you so much Doris!  You are exactly right, aspiration and meditation are the keys to getting past any problem.

I am down with a bad stomach flu at the moment and I couldn't go to our centre meditation this morning, so I stayed upstairs in my apartment while everyone else met downstairs.
I usually try and meditate along with them, but I was feeling so badly that all I could do is read, and I'm actually grateful that I did.

I spent the entire meditation reading, and everything that I read out of My Life's Soul-Journey had to do with exactly what I'm struggling with at the moment. It was really amazing!
I even feel like this stomach flu is a blessing of sorts, forcing me to get some much needed deep rest, and to process many inner things that need to be changed.
I feel like it's an illness of transformation in a way.

Here are some highlights of today's reading.

"Do not try to approach God with your thinking mind. It may only stimulate your intellectual ideas, activities and beliefs. Try to approach God with your crying heart. It will awaken your soulful, spiritual consciousness."

"Only one quality can solve all your problems and that quality is called gratitude heart.
Think of the heart itself as gratitude. That is the only quality that will help all seekers not only to solve all their problems, but also to run the fastest in the spiritual life."

"Every day collect love-flowers from your heart-garden and place them on your soul's peace-shrine as a prayer to your Beloved Supreme."

~ Sri Chinmoy

all quotes from My Life's Soul Journey (unofficial)

Take care,