Matt weighing in,

You know, I was thinking about staying home and watching Dub Tullar recover
as well. You know, just me and Dub, in the bedroom, a little music, with lights
turned down real low.... mmm, mmm, mmm....
Seriously Dubster, I haven't replied since the email regarding your fall,
and I'm really really bummed that you won't be there this year. I love you man,
like the brother I never wanted. Hearts will be breaking all across Iowa,
mostly fellas hearts, that is. I am not a big prayer, so you're not in my
prayers, but you are in my dreams (if you catch my drift)...
You know, at the post-RAGBRAI RADPAN party Dub is gonna kick my ass. I need
to find another target. Let's see... Jeff Dunn is gonna take care of the
t-shirts....................yeah, right! You know what that means, it's a
t-shirt free-for-all. In fact, is Jeff even going on RAGBRAI this year? I
figured Big Blue would be driven by Rudy Bartolous with crotchety Joe Kahn in
his lap from Alexandria to the Missouri. He spent more time "neckin'" last year
than he spent "bikin'". Hmmmmm.... you know who we haven't heard from lately,
what about Kentucky Bourbon Jim Clark, is he going, we need his sarcasm and air
conditioning (not necessary in that order). And Scary Perry Benson, we need his
side trips, extensive trivia, and photo ops... Hey, it will be good to see the
Boners, did Andrea take Steve's last name? Is she Andrea Bassing or Andrea
Boner? Either way, no changing the monogram...
You know, some one mentioned applying tattoos... that would be Dub, or, or,
or, or Mikey Turner from Chicago (you will know him when you see him, he looks
like Billy Idol with his head in a vice). Tattoos and stickers, yeah, I'm a 44
year old teenager once again. Have stun gun, will travel. Hey, haven't heard
from Aaron Gilman in a while, we call him Errand Gilman on RAGBRAI. When ever
we need a beer or a napkin or an ashtray, we just send Errand. He is glad to go
get it...
For those uninitiated, each night on RAGBRAI has a theme. Monday night is
"skanky woman night". The winner brings the skankiest looking female back to
the RADPAN camp site. You gotta get to "first base" with her for it to count.
In '99 Scott "I can't stop talking" Campbell brought back a cow, as in a
Holstein. I heard he hit a "home run" with her. In '00 Dave "Tasmanian" Tyser
brought back a pretty skanky woman and was in the throes when he realized "she"
was really from "team cross-dresser".
Then on Tuesday night, it is "story night". Since Jeff has been on the most
RAGBRAI's he tells scintillating stories, like the time in '93 when he got a
flat, and in '95 when he broke a spoke, and in '97 when he forgot his rain gear
one day. I mean, he has you on the edge of your seat(looking for an escape). I
have seen many a healthy rider commit suicide half way thru "story night".
Wednesday is "Mensa night". We bring out the heavy hitters for this. This
is when GPS Bill Deegan leads us in a game of contact remedial pursuit. We are
then blindfolded and given squirt guns loaded with someone else's pee-pee. You
get the idea, loads of fun.... then we sit around and pop anti-biotics all
night....
Hey, with designated concubine Sara Brenneman off in Sri Lanka or Kuala
Lampour and not riding this year, we need more campsite "comfort women". I
nominate the Pistol-ette Sisters (I mean, who can forget '99)....
And just because I haven't given Paula "cutey-pie" Douglas, or Ron
"cutey-pie" Douglas, or Tall Bill "I am too sexy for my shirt" Schabillion, or
Ken "yeah, I work for Estee Lauder, so what" Boeckle, Tom "smoke'em if you
got'em" Conrad, Julie "Wah Wah" Waugh, Susan "I've got the time if you got the
condoms" Bauer, Jim "you sure do have a pretty mouth" Williams, Nancy "Woof
Woof" Wolff, Steve "I'm Nancy's boy toy and I have no last name", and last, but
certainly not least: Jim "on your left, no, your other left" Vaupel. Of course,
we also have Tom "Chicken" Weaver, the Tennessee Two-some of Glynn and David,
the Des Moines Duo of Rick and Carl, etc... on and on....
For last three years we have all taken bets on which day GPS Bill will land
in the hospital. This year I'm betting Sat, the 20th, yes before the ride even
begins, Big Blue pulls up to some Emergency room somewhere and we'll gentlely
toss him out on the tarmac....
Anyway, why do we stop in Bettendorf? Because they have great food. And a
four star bordello. And because it is there. And because we usually have to go
the bathroom around that time. And because there will be anywhere for six to
twelve RADPANers standing there by the side of the road....
OK, yes I did break my arm on the MS ride in May. Thank you for all the get
well wishes. All two of them(Aaron and Dub). It is healed, and I am waif-like
(Winnie could kick my ass)(now that I think about it, she could pretty much kick
all of our asses). I'm still riding my butt-slow mountain bike this year, and
yes, I will be eating Aaron's dust once again this year, yet strong enough to
lead the peloton of RADPAN road bikes on most afternoons. My brother Tim is
riding with us again this year. For those of you who remember him, he is sort
of a cross between Danny Devito and Dennis Rodman. My youngest brother,
Pete(who is the spitting image of Quasi-moto), bailed on us (no surprise), and
his stick buddy (John "Sad" Sadowski), well nicely put, John doesn't wear the
pants. Tim and I plan to meet Big Blue in Bettendorf on Sat morning, the 20th.
We will be staying with relatives in WelfareVillage prior to the ride. Tim will
stay afterwards in Iowa, and I will ride Big Blue back to Alexandria (right now
I think they will probably tie me to the hood like a deer). By the way, we may
take Ron up on his luxury ride offer. To those of you riding Big Blue out from
Alexandria, make sure you have your tetanus and rabies shots before you leave
(or army issue gas mask).
Anyway, looking forward to it, and seeing everybody, the hugs, the french
kisses, the wedgies, the slaps, the punches.... I started my training earlier
today. Put in 5 miles. It's gonna be a long week. Hugs and hummers. As
always, continue to live the life less ordinary...

Matt, out (as in out of his mind)...

Dub Tullar wrote: