Multiple triggers inside, please beware

System Seeds <iloveseeds1@...>
 

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Hello all

Christian and Anastasia grey here, the host kaden is not around right now due to illness and holiday stress...


Xe had an intense discussion with all of us earlier this year about what to call... That day...


We have decided that it would be called Greys day again, because... 1. It is not religious, 2. In the system we have an alter called grey, plus it is both mine and Anastasia's surname, 3. It comforts the littles that suffer the memories of all the abuse most, 4. The system looks up to both myself and Anastasia, they see us as guardians, inside parents, and in more ways than one, dominants...



It has been a year since mum departed from our houdveure, qetsiyah has relapsed severely, Xyr depression and anxiety are off the scale, Silas is having rage and impulsive episodes of anger, Kaden is having dark thoughts about eternal sleep, Damon is depressed and numb and emotionless, the departure of mum has affected our guide dog again, so much so that she has started chewing stuff again, it gets worse, she's chewed half of the greys day presents we were supposed to give to family and friends, no actual family gifts, but my love heart sweets are gone, my sisters parma violets gone, all the chocolate for friends gone, and boxes and packages of gift sets destroyed, she was sick in my sister's bedroom all over her white carpet...



She will be in serious trouble with guide dogs today...



Mum is blaming me and my sister for leaving stuff around, but we left the internal doors open thinking we could trust her again, and because our pet dog hasn't chewed stuff since we got him, and him chewing stuff ten years ago was down to the fact that he was severely beaten and abused and starved prior to us having rescued him...



We were only out for 3 and a half hours, we went for a meal with my sister's friend then we went food shopping after... How can we forgive her?



All this triggered off silas's anger and impulsive rage episodes, so bad that he said some regretful stuff about kassie like not loving her no mordveure?




Our eating disorder and facial disfigurementhave worsened to the point of not eating, migraines, a swollen face neck and eyes, vision failure, mobility issues, dizziness, vomiting purging and diarrhoea episodes, deteriorating mental health and emotional stability, hallucinations, paranoia, sleeplessness, weight loss, and dark thoughts...


I am fuming... 60 shades of fumified... With my mothers interfering dump of a fiancé craig, he suggested putting a muzzle on kassie when we leave her, I don't like muzzles on dogs they are cruel, plus guide dogs have a way of dealing with this, something called food distraction training, to teach her to leave food alone both in and out of harness, it also encourages her not to pick things up off the floor, and not to beg for food...


I am frustrated because i have to pay out for more presents...


I know that something is wrong with qetsiyah, because Xe keeps saying, me no feel safe, me scarified, me anxified, Muvva dump no love me no more, me upsettified?



We are so glad we have our psychiatric appointment with doctor belderbos today?


A very angry Christian and a severely upset Anastasia...




Sent from system seeds, a fragmented reawakened complex multiple personified system with many complicated complex issues, we are blind and lucky enough to be a guide dog owner, we identify as genderqueer with the preferences of Xe/Xem, Hir/Hirs, Se/Sem/Seeirs/Seirself/semselves, they/them pronouns, with MX used in formal circumstances, I live with the conditions PTSD, CMPD, EDNOS, IBS, dissociative identity disorder, with 2193 personalities/alters, paranoid schizophrenia, generalised anxiety disorder, gender dysphoria, insomnia, unipolar depressive disorder, OCD, paranoid personality disorder, panic disorder, pseudo chromatic epilepsy, SOD. And we are also hearing impaired. We get severe migraines but the meds for them don't work because they ara useless pile of spoffles?

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