System Seeds <iloveseeds1@...>
Hello how is your day going? Ours is a Loadveure of utter spoffles? For want of a better word...
It's Christian on behalf of a very depressed and suicidal Kaden...
We have a lot of fears and stuff and some are being set off by stupid inconsiderate family members who have no respect for Kaden or any of us in the system in fact they just ignore us...
Fear of D E A T H, they keep reminding us of stuff our abuser said...
Fear of A B A N D O N M E N T, since the departure of our mother from the houdveure, this fear has increased especially for young parts like qetsiyah with additional disabilities...
Fear of R E J E C T I O N, that triggers off when people leave us, snap at us, or turn us down constantly...
The anxiety has not gone away because we recently found out about the passing of our great uncle billy, as well as people aggravating us about the certain holiday we change the name of/uncelebrate? Plus the failure of our vision and new eye drops?
We identify as gender neutral, which means neither male nor female, and we use the singular they pronoun alongside Xe/Hir, plus the formal title MX, but nobody in our family will cooperate, they won't use my preferred pronouns,won't respect accept or explain my identity to anyone, they are so transphobic?
The passing of our uncle plus changing meds plus that day plus vision failure equals major depressive episode plus dark thoughts...
The abandonmentfears are returning as it is a year since mum met craig and left the houdveure?
I am so sick of family members trying to force us to believe in Christmas when we celebrate greys day, but they are brainwashing us by saying that if we don't believe we don't receive? I believe in greys day, nothing you can do to stop me, just quit forcing and conditioning us to believe?
I am so sick of the purposeful misgenderingand mistreatment from family members concerning our gender identity... feel like deserting them?
The eating disorder is severe now, only eaten once this week, we are relapsing fast with EDNOS, and our family don't give a spinning spoffles?
The littles are terrified, the vision loss scares them,they feel isolated and fragile, and not just that we are suffering from exacerbated asthma and an acute chest infection...
We feel insecure still around craig as qetsiyah still sees him as an unknown male, we feel unsafe at night now as last night we had a break-in and some cash was stolen, and since mum left to live with craig Silas has exacerbated anger issues, and the littles have constant feelings of anxiety and lovelessness?
A very fed up and unwell Christian
Sent from system seeds, a fragmented reawakened complex multiple personified system with many complicated complex issues, we are blind and lucky enough to be a guide dog owner, we identify as genderqueer with the preferences of Xe/Xem, Hir/Hirs, Se/Sem/Seeirs/Seirself/semselves, they/them pronouns, with MX used in formal circumstances, I live with the conditions PTSD, CMPD, EDNOS, IBS, dissociative identity disorder, with 2193 personalities/alters, paranoid schizophrenia, generalised anxiety disorder, gender dysphoria, insomnia, unipolar depressive disorder, OCD, paranoid personality disorder, panic disorder, pseudo chromatic epilepsy, SOD. And we are also hearing impaired. We get severe migraines but the meds for them don't work because they ara useless pile of spoffles?