Trigger talk of the December holiday, family forcing us to Christmas-believe when the day triggers us, family not accepting our decision to celebrate greys day, triggers misgendering, they won't accept our neutralised gender identity and pronouns? Trigger transphobia, mental abuse, backing off from our illness and deliberately ignoring the alters pretending that they don't exist? Trigger anger and fears of abandonment... Help?

System Seeds <iloveseeds1@...>

Hello all


The host kaden is nowhere to be seen they have shut off into emotional shutdown mode, and you don't want to mess with me though, I have been in control since Thursday evening, my name is Silas I am 2000 years old, and I am extremely angry, I've hurt people, objects, and the body because of this... And here is why?

We have always hated the holidays from a very young age, partly due to violence from our alcoholic father, our blindness and physical disability, and inability to accept or cope with complex changes...

It is only since we were 11 when the associated trigger with the C. Word started, when the ritual abuse and forced belief through the catholic school began and didn't stop until 2007, but we still change the name of the day because when the student sexually abused us at college, he used mind control, and kept saying, the devil will get you at Christmas, the C. Word again, but we never let him know what scared us we just shut off, to get around it every year we change the name of it...

This year, like last year, we call it greys day, but we are still tormented with the C. Word by family and the fact that its everywhere doesn't help... but family want a normal Christmas without conditional crap, no chance we don't believe in the C. Word anymordveure, we believe in greys day and that is that, we've had enough choices taken away from us, please... No more abuse?

People often ask what are you? Male or female? We say, neither we are gender neutral, then they ask, what are your pronouns/how do we address you in conversation? We respond with, oh ok, thanks for asking, not everyone does... our pronouns are Xe, Hir, They, and the formal MX... the response was inappropriate,how ridiculous how can they be a singular?

We get misgenderingfrom family all the time and its irritating, if anyone respected our identity you would think it would be them? No... mum doesn't even try and think to correct herself at appointments, and her fiancé calls us IT...

Our mum is our official paid carer since she's moved out, but she only wants to communicatewith the host Kaden which is not always possible, and ignores us, the alters, pretending that we don't have feelings or even exist at all? I hate this and want her to be more interested in us, the system, and her fiancé is the same just ignoring us completely, now do you get why I'm so angry?

They back off from our illness with disinterest... no wonder we are now on mood stabilisers?

But since mum moved out qetsiyah has no attachment figure to support them and has increasing fears of abandonment... How do we solve this?

A very angry and unstable Silas

Sent from system seeds, a fragmented reawakened complex multiple personified system with many complicated complex issues, we are blind and lucky enough to be a guide dog owner, we identify as genderqueer with the preferences of Xe/Xem, Hir/Hirs, Se/Sem/Seeirs/Seirself/semselves, they/them pronouns, with MX used in formal circumstances, I live with the conditions PTSD, CMPD, EDNOS, IBS, dissociative identity disorder, with 2193 personalities/alters, paranoid schizophrenia, generalised anxiety disorder, gender dysphoria, insomnia, unipolar depressive disorder, OCD, paranoid personality disorder, panic disorder, pseudo chromatic epilepsy, SOD. And we are also hearing impaired. We get severe migraines but the meds for them don't work because they ara useless pile of spoffles?

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