New Member with lots of questions...


Christy <christy@...>
 

I wanted to take the time to introduce myself. I've been on this list now for a few weeks, and thoroughly enjoying the discussions here, and thought it was time to say Hi!

My name is Christy--I am married (5 years) and have two children--1 biological son (17) and 1 adopted daughter (3). We are in our 4th year of homeschooling, and our 1st embracing the unschooling philosophy. We are doing well--our son is the most at peace and free than he has ever been and it is wonderful to watch all that he is embracing as his passions emerge. Our daughter is a free spirit and has been able to discover her passions as well--which is also an incredible sight :)

We are currently foster parents in our state and have begun to provide care for 2 young girls (ages 3 and 5). We are hoping to adopt them, but as of right now, their case is still tied up in the court system and could be for quite some time. The obstacle I am facing at this time is how to parent them....since our priorities seem to be a bit different than those of the Department of Social Services. Anything from eating to sleeping to discipline to school...very different views. I find myself slipping into my authoritarian past and demanding respect---mainly because I feel the pressure to "be" something different than what we are. Plus the girls are coming from a very authoritarian home, so the react negatively to any correction. They also demand things as well--what to eat, to play, to watch on tv...they have been described as children with "attachment issues" and have been treated as such...

It is difficult, these are children that I did not birth and they have come to us with their own set of issues that we were not a part of...yet their frustration is directed toward us and anyone that disagrees with them. We are continuing to look at them as the beautiful children that they are, accentuate the positive and try to overlook the rest...

I'm just curious if anyone on this list has had similar experiences and if so, can you offer your thoughts on how to encourage the children and remain true to your convictions?

Thanks so much for reading ;)
Christy


Pam Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...>
 

On 12/13/2009 4:00 PM, Christy wrote:
The obstacle I am facing at this time is how to parent them....since our priorities seem to be a bit different than those of the Department of Social Services. Anything from eating to sleeping to discipline to school...very different views. I find myself slipping into my authoritarian past and demanding respect---mainly because I feel the pressure to "be" something different than what we are. Plus the girls are coming from a very authoritarian home, so the react negatively to any correction. They also demand things as well--what to eat, to play, to watch on tv...they have been described as children with "attachment issues" and have been treated as such...
I think it is hard for most of us to become good unschooling parents ---
doing it with the added stresses of have DSS looking over your shoulder really makes it more difficult. Doing it with THREE children ages 2, 3, and 4 plus a 17 year old seems just extraordinarily hard.

So - if you're determined to do it, more power to you (you'll need it). I do know someone who adopted four young children and has successfully unschooled, so I'm not saying it is impossible. But, she has an extremely involved husband and two sets of very very involved grandparents, too. From the outside, anyway, it looks very difficult. They do seem very very happy, though.

My suggestion to you is to focus on making a "better" choice each time you can. I think that was the most helpful advice I got as a parent of younger kids - it was surprisingly practical and encouraging to simply consider at least two choices and pick the better one. The next time, try to think of the one you did choose and then one other - pick the better one. If you make a choice you're unhappy with, after the fact, think then about what would have been a better choice - have that one "on hand" for next time.

Don't expect to be perfect, but expect yourself to be improving all the time.

-pam


Christy <christy@...>
 

< My suggestion to you is to focus on making a "better" choice each time
you can. I think that was the most helpful advice I got as a parent of
younger kids - it was surprisingly practical and encouraging to simply
consider at least two choices and pick the better one. The next time,
try to think of the one you did choose and then one other - pick the
better one. If you make a choice you're unhappy with, after the fact,
think then about what would have been a better choice - have that one
"on hand" for next time.>

Thank you, Pam, for this suggestion...I like the simplicity of this statement. Not that any of this is simple, but I think I can always focus on making a better choice for my children and look at each situation needing it's own response...


 

-=-
Thank you, Pam, for this suggestion...I like the simplicity of this
statement. -=-

Pam did summarize it really well. I saved it here:
http://sandradodd.com/betterchoice

Sandra