Topics

Silverware example


Joanne O'N. <seagullcaller@...>
 

I read but rarely post. But I think it is time that I do so. Recently, my son (6) and I were in
a restaurant with a friend. He wanted multiple plates of food, since each food was to be
on a different plate. I supported and assisted him with that. He also brought back
multiple forks, spoons and knives. At this point I noticed my new friend glancing at all of
this activity and I began to hear old tapes in my head like she thinks he has too much
silverware, the restaurant will not like this, now all of this silverware needs to be washed.
At the end of the meal, not thinking, when the waitress came over I picked up my plates
and scooped up the silverware from next to me on the booth seat. Retrospectively I I had
allowed anxiety to develop due to what I was imagining others thought about what was
going on with my son and then with me that I was not forcing him to stop this behavior. I
try to explain to him what people expect in public. (He frequently likes to pour slat and
pepper together, mix water in some other things in front of him on the table, etc. IN
genreal I delight in his creative exploration. But when out ion public if I feel that someone
else is watching, I begin to squirm. But to continue, after I had picked up the silverware,
he rightly became upset and went up to where the silverware was and began taking now
large handfuls of each utensil again. I was feeling embarrassed and out of control. I know
I am working and striving not to be in control as I want to honor his decisions even if they
are not mine. But I am having trouble when the behavior begins to have others turn and
stare and my trying to speak to him quietly about my regret of taking his silverware, and
that the silverware was to be used in the restaurant for multiple people, his behavior got
more insistent and seemed to grow larger. I am still so new. I know I am making a ton of
mistakes. I am open to all feedback and I would also appreciate the support of knowing
others have either been there or are also struggling with something similar. Joanne O'N.


Bob Collier
 

Hi, Joanne

Here's something that might be of interest:

Natural Consequences
http://www.takingchildrenseriously.com/natural_consequences

Bob



--- In AlwaysLearning@yahoogroups.com, "Joanne O'N."
<seagullcaller@...> wrote:

I read but rarely post. But I think it is time that I do so.
Recently, my son (6) and I were in
a restaurant with a friend. He wanted multiple plates of food,
since each food was to be
on a different plate. I supported and assisted him with that. He
also brought back
multiple forks, spoons and knives. At this point I noticed my new
friend glancing at all of
this activity and I began to hear old tapes in my head like she
thinks he has too much
silverware, the restaurant will not like this, now all of this
silverware needs to be washed.
At the end of the meal, not thinking, when the waitress came over I
picked up my plates
and scooped up the silverware from next to me on the booth seat.
Retrospectively I I had
allowed anxiety to develop due to what I was imagining others
thought about what was
going on with my son and then with me that I was not forcing him to
stop this behavior. I
try to explain to him what people expect in public. (He frequently
likes to pour slat and
pepper together, mix water in some other things in front of him on
the table, etc. IN
genreal I delight in his creative exploration. But when out ion
public if I feel that someone
else is watching, I begin to squirm. But to continue, after I had
picked up the silverware,
he rightly became upset and went up to where the silverware was and
began taking now
large handfuls of each utensil again. I was feeling embarrassed
and out of control. I know
I am working and striving not to be in control as I want to honor
his decisions even if they
are not mine. But I am having trouble when the behavior begins to
have others turn and
stare and my trying to speak to him quietly about my regret of
taking his silverware, and
that the silverware was to be used in the restaurant for multiple
people, his behavior got
more insistent and seemed to grow larger. I am still so new. I
know I am making a ton of
mistakes. I am open to all feedback and I would also appreciate
the support of knowing
others have either been there or are also struggling with something
similar. Joanne O'N.


Joanne O'N. <seagullcaller@...>
 

The link was very helpful with concrete suggestions for how to communicate well as the
parent. It was very funny that the example was about a child playing with sugar cubes. I
would recommend it for anyone else who is struggling with a similar challenge. Thank you!
Joanne O'N.


 

We used to take toys and coloring stuff to restaurants. What belongs to the restaurant isn't free to be played with, but what parents bring is.

It's possible for kids to be too young and rambunctious for staid- kinds-of public places. If a parent whose kids NEEDS to touch and run goes to a tablecloth restaurant instead of a Burger King with a playground, that's a parental misjudgment. IF a parent doesn't take things for the child to do and play with, that's a failure on the part of the parent.

If a chlld wants to play with sugar cubes, buy a box on the way home! There are cool things to do with them.

If a child wants to play with silverware (more than the few settings around him) bring all yours out at the house. Practice launching forks, or making triangles with table knives or seeing your face in different spoons.

Not everything a child wants to do is okay, not when it involves other people's stuff, space, and privacy.

When one of our kids left a mess, I left a bigger tip to help compensate for it. <G>

Sandra