Date   

question on resources for adults

 

I'm vague on these things and am hoping people here will have more knowledge.

I got an e-mail:
__________

Hello, Sandra. I am so happy to have found your site and your abundance of ideas.

I am a middle-aged man, did not enjoy my public school experience from nursery-school onward, and was a poor student through high school.

After years of occupational floundering, I am now a college sophomore at a state university and doing very well academically, but again feeling disillusioned by conventional, institutional curriculum and faculty which seem mostly oriented toward enforcing/rewarding rote procedure.

While I genuinely value this opportunity and where it may lead, it ultimately feels lacking in actual education (no matter how heavy the workload).

I understand this is not exactly what you address, but do you have any "un-schooling" advice for adults, how to make the most of such a context, or constructive alternatives to augment this experience with either parallel studies or unfamiliar perspectives? Are there online communities which address these interests and concerns?

Thank you for your time, and for your site.
__________
My response:
__________

I don't think there are yet, but probably will be someday. I think there are some colleges that will give credit for outside experiences, but i really don't know which ones they are. I've heard stories over the years.

-=-I understand this is not exactly what you address, but do you have any "un-schooling" advice for adults, how to make the most of such a context, or constructive alternatives to augment this experience with either parallel studies or unfamiliar perspectives?-=-

I'll ask some people and get back with you, but in general, as to the things I deal with, I would recommend that you look at changing your own perspective about what is "learning" and what is not. When the world is divided into "actual education" (your phrase) and other things, it's a false dichotomy. The more you think about learning and the less you think about "education" (or teaching, or school, or classes) the more you'll see learning everywhere.

Until I get back with you, maybe look at these things:\

http://sandradodd.com/teaching
http://sandradodd.com/deschooling

Sandra
__________
What else should I tell him? I really don't know.

Sandra


Quick cool moment...

Helene McNeill <helene@...>
 

Darwin (10) runs into my kitchen whilst i'm making biscochitos for Christmas presents.

"Mom! "Does??!" "It has 0's and E's and U's?"

"O's and E's"

"Awesome, thanks!"

Yay! Darwin just went back and wrote to friends in Switzerland and spelt 'does' the way Americans do formally, but must say, the 'u' makes great sense to me as well. English. Galdarnit!


Re: My daughter has stolen something....

casa_divina
 

Thanks Sandra,

I like the idea of calling the hotel and offering to pay for it, or return it. It's very true what you say about children getting themselves in situations that they don't know how to handle (like Kirby coming home with the $20). That's why I feel like my response to this situation is important because it could determine how other, more difficult situations will be handled in the past.

I'm off to look up the phone number of the hotel!

Molly in Ecuador
Divina 6
Sabina 4.5


Re: New Member with lots of questions...

Pam Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...>
 

On 12/13/2009 4:00 PM, Christy wrote:
The obstacle I am facing at this time is how to parent them....since our priorities seem to be a bit different than those of the Department of Social Services. Anything from eating to sleeping to discipline to school...very different views. I find myself slipping into my authoritarian past and demanding respect---mainly because I feel the pressure to "be" something different than what we are. Plus the girls are coming from a very authoritarian home, so the react negatively to any correction. They also demand things as well--what to eat, to play, to watch on tv...they have been described as children with "attachment issues" and have been treated as such...
I think it is hard for most of us to become good unschooling parents ---
doing it with the added stresses of have DSS looking over your shoulder really makes it more difficult. Doing it with THREE children ages 2, 3, and 4 plus a 17 year old seems just extraordinarily hard.

So - if you're determined to do it, more power to you (you'll need it). I do know someone who adopted four young children and has successfully unschooled, so I'm not saying it is impossible. But, she has an extremely involved husband and two sets of very very involved grandparents, too. From the outside, anyway, it looks very difficult. They do seem very very happy, though.

My suggestion to you is to focus on making a "better" choice each time you can. I think that was the most helpful advice I got as a parent of younger kids - it was surprisingly practical and encouraging to simply consider at least two choices and pick the better one. The next time, try to think of the one you did choose and then one other - pick the better one. If you make a choice you're unhappy with, after the fact, think then about what would have been a better choice - have that one "on hand" for next time.

Don't expect to be perfect, but expect yourself to be improving all the time.

-pam


Re: Ideas About Chores Are Really Helping: Thanks Sandra, Joyce, and Others!

kelly_sturman <conspicuousfamily@...>
 

I shop alone, except for those instances when somebody
specifically requests to come along; it's actually less
arduous when one (or more) of the kids want to come along;
it takes a lot longer, but we have fun exploring and socializing.
But I understand that there are other things that they would
rather be doing, and I NEVER press them to accompany me. That
*would* make it really unpleasant for everybody.

Kelly

Kelly, could you just clarify, when you do a big shop,
do the kids reluctantly accompany you, or do they stay home
while you do the shopping alone?


Re: My daughter has stolen something....

 

What if you call the hotel and talk to them and ask if you can send them a check? Or if the ornament was special, offer to send it back? But the check would be less expensive and then Davina will own it, and it might be a reminder every Christmas of how much she's grown up and away from that day.

Once Kirby came home from playing with the neighbor, and he had a twenty-dollar bill in his hand. He was five or six, I think. He was looking at it oddly, and he said "Look what I found in the street."

Wow, I said. Was there anyone out there who might've dropped it? No, he said, but he seemed dazed, rather than excited as I thought he would have been if he found twenty dollars.

In a while the neighbor's mom called and said there had been a twenty dollar bill and did I think Kirby might have gotten it. I said yes, and we'd come over, so he gave it back to her and said sorry and she was nice about it. We talked a bit and I said I guess once he had it he couldn't figure out how to return it, and we all agreed it was very awkward, but at least he wasn't sneaky about it.

Once money was missing from the karate dojo, when Kirby was ten or eleven and the sensei called me to ask whether Kirby might have gotten it, since he had been in the dressing room. One of the guys had left cash in his shoe. It had been over a day since it had happened, and Kirby had neither acted funny, nor had he gone and bought any thing. I figured if he had cash he would have bought Pokemon cards or whatever the equivalent thing was in those days (I think it was Pokemon days). But I admitted that he had once taken that other money from a neighbor and returned it.

The teacher was stressed, and he liked Kirby, but he said they couldn't have a thief at the dojo. Kirby said he didn't get it, and I believed him but the teacher was doubtful and worried. They found the money another day or two later, though. It had fallen behind the shelf or some such, so Kirby was cleared and the other guy had the money, and as the years passed, there, Kirby became the most trusted student and used to housesit (the sensei lived in the building the dojo and the store were in).

I think treating it was an awkward and and unfortunate situation that needs to be resolved, without condemning the child is the way to go.

Sandra


My daughter has stolen something....

casa_divina
 

Hi everyone,

This group is dear to me and I have been reading almost every message for over a year. We have been unschooling for a year or so. we live in Ecuador and my children are 6 and 4.5.

The other day I took my two daughters into the "big city" Quito and we ended up doing alot of fun things, buying a few pre-Christmas gifts and seeing friends. We spent the night in a hotel. Everytime we walked by the Christmas tree in the lobby, Divina (6) would admire one of the ornaments on the tree. It was a beautiful beaded, long ornament. She has recently gotten into beading and we stopped many times to admire the color of the beads, the design, etc.

On the bus on the way home Divina and her sister, Sabina, were sitting to together and started to act funny - like they were doing something they knew they shouldn't be doing. I was curious and asked them what was up.

In the past that has been the time they almost always filled me in on whatever suspicious activity they are up to. I have tried to be really aware of how I respond when they tell me they have broken something, or have done something that I might be upset about. I know they usually tell me what's going on because they know they won't "get in trouble" and we always talk about it. If it has been something that upsets me, then I let them know that. And we talk about why. Why they did it, why it upset me. And then it's over.



So when they both said "nothing" on the bus and the secrets and guilty faces continued I decided to let it go, trusting that they would tell me when it was time. Later on the bus ride I saw the Christmas tree ornament hanging out of Divina's bag. My face got red and my heart fell when I realized she had stolen the ornament from the hotel and then was hiding it from me on the bus. I was exhausted and the girls were really wound up, so I knew that it wasn't the time to take on the subject.

Later, as we were arriving to our hometown, Divina told me that she had taken the ornament. I was relieved that she was honest with me, but totally not sure how to respond. I knew shaming her and making her feel bad was not the way to go if I wanted to foster open, honest communication. But, I also felt like she should be aware of the gravity of the situation (ie stealing is NOT GOOD). So I told her that I wished she would have told me that she wanted to have the ornament when we were at the hotel. We could have asked if we could pay for it, or asked them where they got, to get one similar. I told her it was not okay to take things that belong to someone else without asking. Then I shut up. I have a tendency to say too much and I really didn't want to blow it.

Once, at that same hotel, she really liked the fake flowers they had there. We looked for something like it in stores and found nothing. So she asked me if I would ask them if we could buy a few from them. It's a small, family-run hotel and it seemed reasonable. They know us, as we stay there a few times a year, and so I did ask. The receptionist was really sweet and handed us a few flowers at no charge.

So when we got home I noticed that she had hung the ornament on the tree. It made me feel weird to have a stolen ornament on our tree, and I quietly and privately told her so. I also told her that I thought we should mail back the ornament to the hotel. I mentioned it to my husband as well, but really played it down and kinda joked about it, because I was worried he would get on her back about it, or shame her or lecture her. But that didn't happen.

So, to wrap this up (ha! Christmas pun intended) I'm wondering how other unschooling families have handled stealing/pocketing with their small children. I feel sort of betrayed. Like she's growing up and wanting to leave me out of her thoughts and actions (which I guess she has a right to, I mean that's what maturing is to some extent, right? ) But I'm hoping to learn how I can still be included in those internal dialogues (when considering taking something, or doing something she knows she shouldn't do).

Also, that same day, we were at a friend's house and the friend's bracelet dropped out of Divina's bag. She had obviously pocketed it and Sabina (her sister) promptly picked it up and gave it back to the friend. I decided not to say anything in the moment because the situation had sort of taken care of itself. Again, not sure if I handled that right. Maybe I should have a follow up conversation, but also worried about to much blah blah.

thoughts and experience greatly appreciated!

Molly in Ecuador
Divina 6
Sabina 4.5


Re: Ideas About Chores Are Really Helping: Thanks Sandra, Joyce, and Others!

claire.horsley08
 

I took my kids to an Asian grocery store recently, and as they are huge fans of noodles, it was wonderful for them to be able to pick out some noodles from such a wide selection!

Kelly, could you just clarify, when you do a big shop, do the kids reluctantly accompany you, or do they stay home while you do the shopping alone? I can see that either way it is a big job, but one that would be much more arduous with 5 unwilling kids in tow! I now do most of my shopping in the evening while my partner stays home with the kids. Sandra, you look at plants - I sneak a look at the trashy magazines to see the latest doings of the Jolie-Pitt clan!

Claire

--- In AlwaysLearning@yahoogroups.com, "kelly_sturman" <conspicuousfamily@...> wrote:

Yes, it is wonderful when shopping is a social activity,
and an exploration, and a chance to visit with people,
but the key word is "sometimes." It happens sometimes.

I did this with the regular weekly shops when the kids
were younger and the family was smaller. But now that we
are a family of seven, I find that, usually, the kids don't
want to accompany me on a "big shop" anymore. Stocking the
pantry and the refigerators and freezers (yes we have multiple)
means filling two or three baskets full of groceries,
and it takes hours to do, and we run low again after 7-10 days,
even with a delivery truck bringing us non-perishables, so the
grocery store is a place everyone has a chance to explore
*frequently*. These days, the kids usually want to do other
things more than they want to accompany me on a "big shop" to
restock the pantry and refrigerators/freezers. The kids take sort
of a "been there, done that" attitude towards grocery shopping.

My attitude is that I choose to shop because we enjoy cooking together, and that means we need ingredients. Also, I like to
have lots of different sorts of interesting foods at home for the kids to eat whenever they happen to get hungry, along with a good supply of tried and true favorites and comfort foods. But I sure like the food prep at home a lot more than I like the going out alone and filling three carts. (Yes, having a large family was my
choice, and yes, I am very fortunate that I can feed them, but that knowledge still doesn't make the shopping all alone anything near to my favorite activity of the week.)

OTOH, when we are doing a "fill in" shop, just getting a
few odds and ends, or shopping because somebody had an idea
for a recipe they'd like to try, then we shop as an outing,
as an exploration, and that is fun. Sometimes we all go,
and sometimes just one child will come with me; everybody
appreciates that everybody wants one-on-one time with Mom.
If I do have company on a shop, we'll usually get a snack in the
store, and definitely incorporate browsing and chatting with
other customers and with the people who work in the store.

When my kids were young, and I only had two of 'em, I'd bring
my son's toy shopping cart, and he'd push that around, acquire
items that interested him, and I'd carry my daughter in a sling,
and she'd reach for or point at items that interested her. And
when each of my adoptive kids was new to the family, I'd take 'em
to one of the local Asian grocery stores, to look for items that
would be comforting and familiar. (They are all adopted from
China.) My biological children like the Asian grocery stores, too.
There are lots of different things to see and touch and
smell there.

Kelly Sturman

--- In AlwaysLearning@yahoogroups.com, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@> wrote:

Instead of think of it as "grocery shopping," if you sometimes
turn it to an outing with one (or more) of the kids, take your
time, look at the odd vegetables, see what's on sale, say good
morning to the butcher, get a donut... Process over product
means you can get both.


New Member with lots of questions...

Christy <christy@...>
 

I wanted to take the time to introduce myself. I've been on this list now for a few weeks, and thoroughly enjoying the discussions here, and thought it was time to say Hi!

My name is Christy--I am married (5 years) and have two children--1 biological son (17) and 1 adopted daughter (3). We are in our 4th year of homeschooling, and our 1st embracing the unschooling philosophy. We are doing well--our son is the most at peace and free than he has ever been and it is wonderful to watch all that he is embracing as his passions emerge. Our daughter is a free spirit and has been able to discover her passions as well--which is also an incredible sight :)

We are currently foster parents in our state and have begun to provide care for 2 young girls (ages 3 and 5). We are hoping to adopt them, but as of right now, their case is still tied up in the court system and could be for quite some time. The obstacle I am facing at this time is how to parent them....since our priorities seem to be a bit different than those of the Department of Social Services. Anything from eating to sleeping to discipline to school...very different views. I find myself slipping into my authoritarian past and demanding respect---mainly because I feel the pressure to "be" something different than what we are. Plus the girls are coming from a very authoritarian home, so the react negatively to any correction. They also demand things as well--what to eat, to play, to watch on tv...they have been described as children with "attachment issues" and have been treated as such...

It is difficult, these are children that I did not birth and they have come to us with their own set of issues that we were not a part of...yet their frustration is directed toward us and anyone that disagrees with them. We are continuing to look at them as the beautiful children that they are, accentuate the positive and try to overlook the rest...

I'm just curious if anyone on this list has had similar experiences and if so, can you offer your thoughts on how to encourage the children and remain true to your convictions?

Thanks so much for reading ;)
Christy


Re: Ideas About Chores Are Really Helping: Thanks Sandra, Joyce, and Others!

kelly_sturman <conspicuousfamily@...>
 

Yes, it is wonderful when shopping is a social activity,
and an exploration, and a chance to visit with people,
but the key word is "sometimes." It happens sometimes.

I did this with the regular weekly shops when the kids
were younger and the family was smaller. But now that we
are a family of seven, I find that, usually, the kids don't
want to accompany me on a "big shop" anymore. Stocking the
pantry and the refigerators and freezers (yes we have multiple)
means filling two or three baskets full of groceries,
and it takes hours to do, and we run low again after 7-10 days,
even with a delivery truck bringing us non-perishables, so the
grocery store is a place everyone has a chance to explore
*frequently*. These days, the kids usually want to do other
things more than they want to accompany me on a "big shop" to
restock the pantry and refrigerators/freezers. The kids take sort
of a "been there, done that" attitude towards grocery shopping.

My attitude is that I choose to shop because we enjoy cooking together, and that means we need ingredients. Also, I like to
have lots of different sorts of interesting foods at home for the kids to eat whenever they happen to get hungry, along with a good supply of tried and true favorites and comfort foods. But I sure like the food prep at home a lot more than I like the going out alone and filling three carts. (Yes, having a large family was my
choice, and yes, I am very fortunate that I can feed them, but that knowledge still doesn't make the shopping all alone anything near to my favorite activity of the week.)

OTOH, when we are doing a "fill in" shop, just getting a
few odds and ends, or shopping because somebody had an idea
for a recipe they'd like to try, then we shop as an outing,
as an exploration, and that is fun. Sometimes we all go,
and sometimes just one child will come with me; everybody
appreciates that everybody wants one-on-one time with Mom.
If I do have company on a shop, we'll usually get a snack in the
store, and definitely incorporate browsing and chatting with
other customers and with the people who work in the store.

When my kids were young, and I only had two of 'em, I'd bring
my son's toy shopping cart, and he'd push that around, acquire
items that interested him, and I'd carry my daughter in a sling,
and she'd reach for or point at items that interested her. And
when each of my adoptive kids was new to the family, I'd take 'em
to one of the local Asian grocery stores, to look for items that
would be comforting and familiar. (They are all adopted from
China.) My biological children like the Asian grocery stores, too.
There are lots of different things to see and touch and
smell there.

Kelly Sturman

--- In AlwaysLearning@yahoogroups.com, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:

Instead of think of it as "grocery shopping," if you sometimes
turn it to an outing with one (or more) of the kids, take your
time, look at the odd vegetables, see what's on sale, say good
morning to the butcher, get a donut... Process over product
means you can get both.


Christmas Cards

 

Although they've become more expensive over the years and I'm not doing a fullout mailing of Christmas cards this time, I wanted to appeal (beg, hint) that I just LOVE cards and if any of you are sending cards, or sent some and have one leftover, just sitting there, my address is&#92;
2905 Tahiti Court NE
Albuquerque NM 87112

I'll put them up on the wall and be thrilled every day.

I have saved all the cards I've gotten for the past 20 years or more, and I look at them sometimes, and someday maybe I'll so something cool with my collection.

I admire and share and re-read and save every card, so think of me if you're in card-processing mode, please!

Sandra


Re: Ideas About Chores Are Really Helping: Thanks Sandra, Joyce, and Others!

 

-=-I don't mind grocery shopping, even though I really, *really*,
REALLY don't like shopping, because I don't expect that the
kids, at their current ages, "should" be responsible for buying
their own groceries. -=-

Instead of think of it as "grocery shopping," if you sometimes turn it
to an outing with one (or more) of the kids, take your time, look at
the odd vegetables, see what's on sale, say good morning to the
butcher, get a donut... Process over product means you can get both.

When my kids were young sometimes I'd take two carts--the boys in one
cart, and Holly the the baby seat of the other one. I'd put most of
the groceries in the Holly-cart, but some of the interesting ones in
with the boys, and I'd talk to them, or we'd sing or tell jokes.
Sometimes I'd only have two kids, one in the basket and one in the
baby seat. Sometimes if the store was really empty I'd let them all
down to walk, but it's kinda dangerous if it's crowded.

The more you make it about the kids, the less it will seem like
"grocery shopping" and will be part of the fabric of your
relationships with your unschooled children.

I used to think I'd be taking my kids to the store with me until they
were grown and gone, but that didn't happen at all. When they're old
enough not to go, it ends up being just me. And some of my best times
at the store then were when I wasn't in a hurry *and* I was by
myself. I can stall, I can think, I can listen to the music, i can
let other people go ahead of me in the line, I can look at all the
potted plants and cut flowers.

Sandra


Re: Ideas About Chores Are Really Helping: Thanks Sandra, Joyce, and Others!

 

-=-I found myself in the mall recently, and one shop was selling
signs to hang in the home, and one of those signs read, "Be kinder
than is necessary." I like that. I don't know if it is even
possible, but it is a nice guiding principle, I think.-=-

I'm sure it's true, as none of us "has to" be kind at all. <g>

Sandra


Re: interesting links to my site; Chinese, I think, and others

 

-=the parts he *was* able to read, he was able to let me
know that the English quotations below the Chinese translations...
or should that be the other way 'round?... are spot-on.-=-

Thanks, Kelly!! (Thank your son, too, please.)

Sandra


Ideas About Chores Are Really Helping: Thanks Sandra, Joyce, and Others!

kelly_sturman <conspicuousfamily@...>
 

Still deschooling, and finding that my expectations about
what my children "should" be doing with regards to taking
care of our home and our possessions have been getting in
the way of me appreciating my children who they are in
this moment.

I don't mind grocery shopping, even though I really, *really*,
REALLY don't like shopping, because I don't expect that the
kids, at their current ages, "should" be responsible for buying
their own groceries.

I don't mind laundering their clothes, because I don't think
that's an "age-appropriate" job for them, either. They do like
to press the buttons on the machines, and so they do, and they
are willing to carry their dirty clothes down to the laundry
room in the basement, because they know my back hurts and that it
is a bit hard for me to get up and down four flights of stairs numerous times a day, and they do that for my happily, too. But
I don't expect them to take it all on themselves, I don't even
expect them to carry the laundry up and down the stairs (although
I am grateful to them when they do, and I tell them so), and I
don't resent that I am the one who does the bulk of the washing.

But I found I was stuck in resentment because they weren't
carrying plates to the sink, or wiping up spills, and they were leaving their toys and books just strewn everywhere, and then
were frustrated when they couldn't find their things, and the
things they weren't doing, I had chosen to classify in my mind
as "things a child of age X should be doing."

As soon as I dropped the expectations: "they should be doing
this; they are old enough to take on these responsibilities..."
that freed me to lovingly take care of them, and even to help
them find a misplaced item for them, when they need that, without
any snide remarks about "a place for everything and everything in
its place."

I read and re-read the pages about "chores" and choices and the
fact that I chose to bring these people into my life, and the
more I read, the more it sinks in. No, they aren't trying to
enslave me with endless housework, and no, I don't "have to" do
the housework. They are just having fun, and I can choose to facilitate that. I WANT to make that happen!

I can remember as a kid, feeling like I had worked hard at home
to do everything right. And I got it about 99% right, and I got
hell for the 1% that I hadn't gotten right. I remember getting
yelled at for dripping water on the floor after a shower: "YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO DRY OFF COMPLETELY WHILE STANDING IN THAT SHOWER STALL!" I remember being shamed for not squeezing the toothpaste tube from the botton and flattening it as I went up. (I guess that would be funny if it weren't sad.) There was *always* something
like that I was forgetting, and I just don't want anything
resembling that for my children. So I choose to drop the
expectations about what is "age appropriate." (It's easier said
than done, but that doesn't stop me from choosing and choosing
again, reminding myself that what I want is for my children to feel deeply loved for who they are right now.)

I found myself in the mall recently, and one shop was selling
signs to hang in the home, and one of those signs read, "Be kinder
than is necessary." I like that. I don't know if it is even
possible, but it is a nice guiding principle, I think.

Anyway, thanks to all of you. Things get more and more peaceful, and
I am more and more the mother I want to be.

Kelly Sturman


Re: interesting links to my site; Chinese, I think, and others

kelly_sturman <conspicuousfamily@...>
 

One of my adoptive children, an (approximately) 18 year old
young man who we adopted from China four years ago, confirms
that this is,indeed, Mandarin Chinese. He doesn't read very
well, in Chinese or English--he does other things well: he's
got a beautiful singing voice and he's a talented artist and
an amazing cook, and he's very generous with his time and energies--
anyway, the parts he *was* able to read, he was able to let me
know that the English quotations below the Chinese translations...
or should that be the other way 'round?... are spot-on. Just
to be very clear: he couldn't read all the Chinese, but everything
he could read to me and translate into English corresponded directly
with the English.

I find it interesting that a Chinese speaker would groove on
unschooly ideas; that culture, what I know of it, anyway, has
a lot of competition in the schools, a lot of memorization, a
lot of surpress yourself and impress your teacher...

...I think all of that at least partially explains why this
particular son chooses to go to school. Anyway...

Hope that helps a little,

Kelly Sturman
http://kelly-livingjoyfully.blogspot.com

--- In AlwaysLearning@yahoogroups.com, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:

http://aboutunschooling.blogspot.com/2009/12/outside-links-and-inside-news.html

I found a link to something translated into what I think is Chinese.
I'm quoted and my site is linked.

Usually I get between a thousand and two thousand hits a day on my
site (SandraDodd.com) and one day last week I got 90,000, because a
letter from David Bowie I've had there for years got linked out. I
used to always bring the site announcements here to this list. Then
for a while they were too frequent, and now it's been a month so I'm
reminding people that site announcements can be subscribed to by e-
mail or the blog can be saved somehow, because I won't always bring
them here. It could crowd the list up.

It's been kinda slow here this week, though.


Sandra


interesting links to my site; Chinese, I think, and others

 

http://aboutunschooling.blogspot.com/2009/12/outside-links-and-inside-news.html

I found a link to something translated into what I think is Chinese. I'm quoted and my site is linked.

Usually I get between a thousand and two thousand hits a day on my site (SandraDodd.com) and one day last week I got 90,000, because a letter from David Bowie I've had there for years got linked out. I used to always bring the site announcements here to this list. Then for a while they were too frequent, and now it's been a month so I'm reminding people that site announcements can be subscribed to by e- mail or the blog can be saved somehow, because I won't always bring them here. It could crowd the list up.

It's been kinda slow here this week, though.


Sandra


Re: Learning to use the toilet

Kristi
 

My 4-year old still uses diapers to poop. When she was 3 she told me she would start using the potty to poop. Her 4th birthday came and went in October, and she still will poop only in a diaper. Now she tells me she will poop in the potty before she turns 5. Of course, I am hopeful! I have bit my tongue more times than I care for so that I don't say all the variety of things I could say to her regarding pooping in the potty. On occasion, I have let her know that I look forward to the day I don't have to wipe her bum in the way that I must when she poops in a diaper, which requires more effort than pooping in the potty. She tells me she likes to poop in the diaper because she still wants to be a baby.

I cope with this by knowing that she won't be pooping in a diaper for much longer. As many have told me, she won't be dating in diapers.

The only advice I can offer is to just know it won't last forever. If you work hard at not pushing the issue, he will transition to the potty in his own way and without long-standing issues.

Good luck!


Re: Learning to use the toilet

jenstarc4
 

***"Training" is probably not the word to use for being supportive while
children learn naturally.***

I agree with this!  I never had the chance to "train" Chamille when she was little.  I had always assumed that little ones use the toilet around the age of 3, but she was completely without diapers and accidents by the time she reached her 2nd birthday.  It wasn't coached by me in any way. 

This isn't an easy memory for me because it involves me getting very upset, but I'll tell it anyway.  About a month before she turned 2, Chamille started taking her diapers off and running around with a bare bottom.  One time she kind of disappeared and I finally found her in my closet squatting on my ballet shoes and peeing.  I was very very upset about it.  They were my only ballet shoes and they were VERY expensive and I couldn't afford to replace them, but there was no way I could clean them either.  She had a look of shock and horror on her face that I would be so mad and so upset, but from that point forward she only used the toilet.

It's a bittersweet memory for me.  Remembering that look on my sweet little girl's face is yucky for me, but it was really great to not have to change diapers any more.  My best advice is to be sweet and kind and gentle to little kids and their toileting.  Margaux took forever to use the toilet, not too long after she turned 4, but I don't have any memories of being horrible to her while she was figuring it all out.


Re: Learning to use the toilet

Bob Collier
 

--- In AlwaysLearning@yahoogroups.com, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:


Might it be a perfectionism thing? That never occurred to me until
reading Jude's post, but Holly read kinda that way too: Can't read;
can't read a word; oh! Judy Blume. Next? Stephen King.


I had a friend one time whose son had no verbal language at all until he was three and then he started talking in complete sentences.




Some kids don't try to ride a bike until they are able to do all the
bike riding bits, and basically get on and go.


My son did it that way.



Others will try early
and fall a lot.


That was my daughter. :-)


Bob