Re: Grandparents and "standard questions"
==My question is, is there a way to stop the defensiveness from rising in me so quickly? Does that improve with time, or is it something I need to "work on"--and if so, how?==
I think yes, yes and yes!
I found a way to stop defensiveness from rising was to be prepared - have 'answers' and/or 'deflection' - similar to the stories others have told, if Kai didn't want to speak up, I'd enthusiastically start talking about all the cool things he was doing, all the cool places we had been. As he's got older, he's very good at doing that for himself.
And yes - it improves with time. The more confident you get with unschooling, the less defensive you will feel.
And yes - it is something you can work on now. Firstly, as described above - get prepared and expect those questions. And, as others have said - realise they are coming from a place of love and interest and a Grandparent trying to connect with a grandkid the only way they know how.
==Or maybe it's normal?==
I think it's normal in the first few years, as you feel less confident, and are still deschooling, for sure...but that doesn't mean you can't work on it too 🙂
From: AlwaysLearning@groups.io <AlwaysLearning@groups.io> on behalf of Sandra Dodd <AlwaysLearningemail@example.com>
Sent: 15 December 2021 12:06
To: AlwaysLearning@groups.io <AlwaysLearning@groups.io>
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Grandparents and "standard questions"
A reader named Jen has sent a story with a question. I'm very happy to say that although the story is standard, the question is new, and very interesting!
We went out to dinner with my in-laws recently, and over the course of the evening, my MIL looked at my eight-year-old and asked, "What do you like best in school?" My hackles immediately rose; I felt like this was a test, and had the uncomfortable feeling we were all about to fail. I said nothing and let my daughter answer, and as the evening went on, I was more aware that it probably *wasn't* a question with any malice or "testing" intended, but simply a grown-up trying hard to connect with a child. It seemed similar to those standard questions posed by random adults trying to make conversation with a youngster: "What grade are you in?" "What's your favorite subject in school?"
My question is, is there a way to stop the defensiveness from rising in me so quickly? Does that improve with time, or is it something I need to "work on"--and if so, how?
Or maybe it's normal?
I'd love any thoughts. I don't like having these adrenaline-laced bursts of anger/defensiveness whenever my kids are with this grandma. :(
If you quote, change "Sandra" to "Jen" if you remember. :-) Or just quote the words you're going to respond to.