Re: This discussion, and its anniversary


Marta Pires
 

-=-Pam Sorooshian wrote:

I don't know of anywhere else outside of a therapeutic relationship where
you can get this kind of direct, critical, and honest feedback. Over the
years, I have very often been amazed at the insights expressed here. I have
sometimes reacted emotionally and felt something was harshly said, and I
have felt defensive, but it is worth it to take the risk and learn to get
over it. I have learned SO much about myself and relationships and
parenting and, really, about living, through the interactions here.-=-

I have a psychology/family therapy degree (having clinically practiced for
some time) and I was in therapy (cognitive-behavioural therapy) as a client
for five years, some years ago (from my mid-twenties up until my
thirty-something's). As a psychologist and as a client, I very much
believed and accepted the common therapeutic approach to people's issues,
but I have to say that I'm not so sure about it's effectiveness anymore. I
know I don't have all the answers yet, as I'm still learning and at the
beginning of this journey (not even remotely as experienced as some of the
awesome moms who write here), but still, not sure...

First of all, five years of therapy didn't come close to all that has
happened to me from reading and thinking daily about everything that is
discussed on this list, in terms of personal growth. As Pam said, not only
have I learned tons about unschooling and life-learning, but I've also been
learning about relationships, about parenting, and ultimately about myself
-- everything seems to come hand in hand! ;)

I'm a much happier person, more balanced, more thoughtful, calmer (not on a
regular basis, I certainly still have my moments, as my husband can attest
(ha!), but I'm working hard to do better every day, bit by bit). I try to
be a sweet and joyful mom to my daughter, a thoughtful and loving wife to
my husband, and a kind and attentive owner to my cats (just recently, by
taking the time to really look at them, I found out that one of our cats,
who I thought hated being petted, loves it... while she's eating!). I crave
attention less and less. I crave people's approval less and less, to the
point that I think I don't even need it anymore. :P I've dealt with
problems in a totally different and new (to me!) way, in a more positive
and confident way. I'm more secure of myself. I hardly ever feel anxious
anymore. I stress less. I let go more. I've matured in ways I never thought
possible. I see my parents differently, I understand them better now. I
feel more empowered. I'm much more aware of when I'm reacting out of
tiredness, or hunger, or hormones, or whatever, and I usually try to go
take care of whatever I need to collect myself again, or simply just get
out of the picture so I won't hurt anyone. I'm much more creative in
problem-solving. I shut up when something unkind will probably come out of
my mouth, or something that won't lead to a more peaceful moment. Not all
the time, but a LOT more than I used to. I wake up with a smile on my face
every single day. I feel a tremendous amount of peace in my life. Wow, just
wow, as you can see, you guys beat the c*** out of my therapist, no doubt
about it!

Secondly, a few years ago, before my daughter was even born, I recommended
my therapist to a friend's wife. I trusted my therapist, thought she was
the best. Well, my friend and his wife split up in January this year. They
have a twelve year old son and had been together for almost twenty years.
She's off with a new boyfriend, but with so many things still to be worked
out inside herself (I know, I was a lot like her). I feel like apologizing
to my friend now... Of course I don't know the details of everything that
happened, but I do know that, had she been advised in another direction
(other than "listen to your heart" or "listen to what you need", "focus on
yourself now", which is what I'm guessing she was told), maybe they would
still be together. From reading on this list and Sandra's site and book and
the chats and thinking about all this on a daily basis, plus from my own
personal experience already, what I do know now is that people can turn
their lives around, they can turn their relationships around.

So, not even in most therapeutical relationships can a person find what
I've found here, I'd say. There are tons of so-called experts out there
that seem to not have a clue about how human beings work on so many levels!
Plus, where can you find free therapeutical relationships that can take
place on a daily basis?

I think this list and the work and dedication of such wonderful women like
Sandra, Pam, Joyce, Schuyler, Brie, Meredith, Alex, Jenny, Robin, just to
name a few, are priceless. I feel so blessed to have found it, to have
found all of you. I'll be forever grateful for what you do, it's
life-changing and world-changing, one family at a time.

Thank you Sandra, for dedicating yourself the way you do. You are such a
special person. I'd also like to thank the moderators of the list for
keeping it so solid, so grounded -- if it weren't for you, how could we be
sure that what was being said here would lead us to more joyful and
peaceful lives with our kids, with our partners, with ourselves? In my
opinion, your hard work is what gives credibility to the information
that is shared here. It was what it took to convince me to try what you
were advising! Thank you to everyone who kindly and generously contributes
to this list, with your insights of how things happened for you, I don't
know if you can imagine how important it has been in our lives. You guys
totally rock my world. :)))

Oh, and Happy (belated) Birthday, Always Learning! So glad you were born!!!

Marta

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