Re: Ideas for a place where it's illegal

Joyce Fetteroll

"You know best what's good for you.." doesn't
sound right.
It seems wrong to you and feels wrong to them because they're off
balance right now because TV and computers were limited before.

They know what they're off-balance selves need: more TV and computer.
But it feels wrong because they may sense their balanced selves
wouldn't need that much.

If a big swimming pool has a tiny leak, you'd only need to add a
bucket of water to it each day. Adding a bucket each day would keep it
balanced. If you don't add water to it each day, it will keep draining
until it's empty. If you then added just a bucket a day, it wouldn't
fill. If you only added 2 buckets a day, it would take months and
months to fill. But if you turned the hose on and just let it run
until the pool was filled, *then* you could add just a bucket a day.

Right now they're in the let the hose run stage. But this won't last
forever. They *will* eventually feel like they've gotten to the full
point where they just need as much as they need each day.

I want them to see tv just as a normal option, so that it loses its
big interest.
Right now they can't see it as a normal option. Things you love that
were very limited won't suddenly feel normal if there's a surplus. It
takes a while to fill up, takes a while for the emotions to trust the
head's knowledge. Just knowing that TV and computers are unlimited now
isn't enough for the emotions to trust it. They need to experience it
for months before the newness wears off and unlimited feels normal.

And the other thing is the
question, how much do I lead and offer, and when is it beginning to be
too much? Me personally, I would love to just let them do what they
want, and also just follow my own interests, but now my own interests
seem to me egotistic to follow.

There isn't an easy answer to that because it depends on your and your
kids' personalities. You need to get to know them and their needs and
let go of any voices that are telling you what kids-in-general need.
You need to learn to listen to what they need.

*But* what's especially confusing right now is your kids don't
necessarily know what they need right now. They know what they were
told they need. They know what other kids are told they need. They
know they were told their own needs weren't as important as what
adults wanted for them. So right now they're confused too.

That's normal. Uncomfortable! but normal. Reassure them that they'll
feel a bit off balance as their pools fill up. :-)

What you can do is make sure the doors to other interesting
opportunities are kept open. Make plans to get out of the house
occasionally. Not to fix the kids but to shake up their days so they
have different activities running through their lives. But right now
the most important thing is the filling of their pools.

Read Sandra's Deschooling page:

But don't expect right now to feel smooth. The days spent in school
are like living with a broken leg. The days when unschooling runs
smoothly are like living with two strong legs. But the deschooling
phase between them is like living with a cast while the leg heals. It
won't be as bad as school but won't be as smooth as unschooling.


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