Re: Building Trust


<<<It took looking at
the toll not doing better took. Simon would ball up and get smaller and smaller. Linnaea would rage back and scream and defend. Nobody heard what I was saying anyhow. My raging, my approach to problems didn't help anything. >>>

Wow. I don't know why these particular words sparked an epiphany, but they did-and I've probably heard this idea many times before, but for some reason, these words made it *click*:

Traditional parenting (the way I began parenting) is all about either making sure the child doesn't ever have any power, or about taking away a child's power and?making sure?the adult/parent has all the power.? When I started parenting more mindfully, I quit trying to take that power. I wanted to say I gave the power back, but I never really *had* my child's power! I think with a lot of effort you can take away someone else's power, but I don't think you can really take it in as your own...

At any rate, Wyl, now 10, is a far different person than he would have been if I hadn't taken those steps to change. He did cower from me when I yelled and threw a tantrum (that's really all I can call it)-he put his arms over his head?so that his biceps covered his ears and his forearms crossed over his head. When I started yelling at him about that, he changed to covering his ears or face with his hands. I hated it when he did that, but I didn't examine *why* I didn't like it!

These past few weeks have been kind of a revelation to me-finding out in random conversations how he feels about me as?a parent. He described me as a "patient, kind, thoughtful" parent-that was amazing to me! Last night he scoffed at the idea that I would abuse him or his brother. Oddly enough, that didn't make me feel free, it made me want to take the steps to *make certain* that I never backslide into that parenting I first started with, and I keep trying to be a better parent, a better person.

Thank you, Schuyler, for helping focus those ideas in my brain.



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