Re: Silverware example

Bob Collier

Hi, Joanne

Here's something that might be of interest:

Natural Consequences


--- In, "Joanne O'N."
<seagullcaller@...> wrote:

I read but rarely post. But I think it is time that I do so.
Recently, my son (6) and I were in
a restaurant with a friend. He wanted multiple plates of food,
since each food was to be
on a different plate. I supported and assisted him with that. He
also brought back
multiple forks, spoons and knives. At this point I noticed my new
friend glancing at all of
this activity and I began to hear old tapes in my head like she
thinks he has too much
silverware, the restaurant will not like this, now all of this
silverware needs to be washed.
At the end of the meal, not thinking, when the waitress came over I
picked up my plates
and scooped up the silverware from next to me on the booth seat.
Retrospectively I I had
allowed anxiety to develop due to what I was imagining others
thought about what was
going on with my son and then with me that I was not forcing him to
stop this behavior. I
try to explain to him what people expect in public. (He frequently
likes to pour slat and
pepper together, mix water in some other things in front of him on
the table, etc. IN
genreal I delight in his creative exploration. But when out ion
public if I feel that someone
else is watching, I begin to squirm. But to continue, after I had
picked up the silverware,
he rightly became upset and went up to where the silverware was and
began taking now
large handfuls of each utensil again. I was feeling embarrassed
and out of control. I know
I am working and striving not to be in control as I want to honor
his decisions even if they
are not mine. But I am having trouble when the behavior begins to
have others turn and
stare and my trying to speak to him quietly about my regret of
taking his silverware, and
that the silverware was to be used in the restaurant for multiple
people, his behavior got
more insistent and seemed to grow larger. I am still so new. I
know I am making a ton of
mistakes. I am open to all feedback and I would also appreciate
the support of knowing
others have either been there or are also struggling with something
similar. Joanne O'N.

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