ADHD Partner with Gina Pera

Please read thoroughly—before you apply— to learn about the group's purpose and how to complete your application.

After you request to join on this page, you will receive an auto-send file asking for more information.

For example, has your partner already been diagnosed, what are your chief challenges and questions, your ages, etc. These details serve three purposes:

1. Help other members respond to you.
2. Help you start to focus on identifying your specific challenges and focus on problem-solving
3. Let other group members know your challenges might be similar to theirs (validation)

What is ADHD Partner?

ADHD partner is a private, email-based discussion group solely for the partners of adults with ADHD.    To be clear: This is not a couple's group

You will find here support without judgment. We get it. 

How Does the Group Work?

The group works on your own time—send an e-mail and go about your business; come back later to read responses. And of course, when you can, support and respond to others.

Who Leads ADHD Partner?

ADHD educator and author Gina Pera founded the group in 2004.  She’s read all 10,000 messages—and counting. 

She long ago established the standard for this group: kindness, sincerity, respect, and a focus on practical problem-solving.

Several longtime group members have stepped up to help with the moderating.  And we are so grateful.

Is there a membership fee?

I have always believed in lowering the threshold to receiving help. That's why I have never charged a fee for this group. Some people can truly afford nothing. Others can afford more. 

Each month, the group receives a "suggested donation" request. Thank you for acknowledging this rare and long-running source of support with whatever you can afford—no amount too small.

What is the Group Purpose?

ADHD is a highly variable condition, and it often has "traveling companions" (e.g. depression, bipolar disorder, etc.) that add more complexity.  Most adults who have it are not diagnosed.

Many mental-health professionals remain unfamiliar with Adult ADHD, it's treatment strategies, and the potential effects on loved ones. This can be especially true for couple (or marital) therapists.

We work to fill the gaps, to acknowledge the particular effect on the partners (and, in some cases, the parents of adults with ADHD), and to help you learn how to "slow your ADHD Roller Coaster" and take care of yourself.

In fact, the need for a solid couple therapy model was so strong I devoted four solid years to establishing one. With my co-author, Arthur L. Robin, PhD, we created a flexible model that merges the evidence of what works for couple therapy and for Adult ADHD treatment. It's called Adult ADHD-Focused Couple Therapy: Clinical Interventions (Routledge, 2016).

What are the Expectations for Members?

Please understand that this group cannot provide you with a foundational education about ADHD.

We expect that members be pro-active in learning about ADHD from reliable sources.  Support and validation is still important—extremely important—but it will be more meaningful if you understand the nature of your challenges.

I wrote my first book after leading this group (and others) for many years. I recommend that you read it (please note that since the book came out, the term is now ADHD to describe all presentations; I will revise it soon!):

Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder

What About Privacy?

This group focuses on "finding your voice." When you can unload, and receive validation for, the realities of your life vis a vis ADHD, you can start becoming more pro-active and start healing.

Some group members use their real names. Others use pseudonyms.  I encourage pseudonyms—so you don't subconsciously "self-censor"—but the choice is absolutely yours.  If you do not want your name to show in your e-mails to the group, please apply with an e-mail address that does not show your name!  Trying to do this after the fact will require more work on your part.

What's said in the group stays in the group. That is, please do not forward or share information outside the group.

Who is Gina Pera?

I am an internationally recognized Adult ADHD expert
, especially as it can affect relationships. My 2008 book, Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.?, was the first to detail the potential impact of ADHD on the adults themselves and their partners—and to explain evidence-based treatment strategies. Also the first book to explain in-depth the complexity of "denial."

We Look Forward to Welcoming You!

Thank you for your interest in ADHD Partner (formerly at Yahoogroups). 

Gina Pera and moderators

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